How To Manage Toddler Tantrums

Whilst most parents and carers dread toddler tantrums, they are a normal part of child development and these emotional outbursts are a natural response to frustration, anger, or an inability to communicate effectively. However, whilst tantrums are a common occurrence, understanding the underlying triggers that cause them and adopting effective strategies to manage them can help parents manage and even prevent this behaviour. In this article, we will explore the reasons behind toddler tantrums and provide practical tips on how to handle them with patience and empathy.

Understanding the Triggers

Before delving into management strategies, it’s crucial to understand the common triggers of toddler tantrums. Toddlers are transitioning from infancy to childhood, and this phase is marked by growing independence and a desire for autonomy. However, their language and communication skills are often not yet developed enough to express their needs and feelings adequately. This can lead to frustration which in turn can lead to tantrums. Other triggers include hunger, fatigue, overstimulation and changes in routine or environment. By recognizing these triggers, parents can spot when tantrums are likely to appear and pre-emptively address their child’s needs and minimise the likelihood of tantrums occurring.

Preventing Tantrums

While it’s impossible to completely eliminate tantrums, parents can take proactive steps to prevent them:

• Establish a Routine: Toddlers thrive on predictability. Remember, children don’t know much about the world so routines are an important way of anchoring them by repeating a pattern of events that happens everyday. Establishing a daily routine can help them feel more secure and in control, reducing the likelihood of tantrums caused by unexpected changes. If a routine is suddenly broken then this can leave children feeling angry when expectations aren’t met. If a routine is going to change or alter, try and let your child know with as much advanced warning as possible. 
• Effective Communication: Encourage your toddler’s language development by patiently listening to their attempts at communication. Use simple words and gestures that are easy for them to understand and that they in turn can use to help them express themselves. By demonstrating understanding and empathy then you can reduce the likelihood or intensity of a tantrum. 
• Provide Choices: Offer limited choices to allow your toddler a sense of control. For instance, let them choose between two snack options or two outfits to wear. This can help them feel empowered without becoming overwhelmed.
• Adequate Rest and Nutrition: Ensure your toddler is well-rested and adequately fed. Hunger and fatigue can contribute to irritability and tantrums.
• Limit Overstimulation: Avoid situations where your toddler might become overwhelmed by sensory input. Loud noises, crowded places, or extended periods of activity can trigger tantrums. It’s a good idea as much as possible to balance active periods with more restful activities such as having a story read to them or colouring, or napping in a space with white noise. 

Managing Tantrums

When tantrums do occur, it’s important to handle them as calmly and patiently as possible:

• Stay Calm: Your demeanour sets the tone for how your toddler will respond. Maintain a calm and composed attitude, even if you’re feeling frustrated.
• Provide a Safe Space: If possible, move your child to a safe and quiet space to prevent them from harming themselves or others during a tantrum. This can especially be a good idea if there are other children around who might try and get involved or be hurt. A good idea can be to take them upstairs to their bedroom where they should feel safe and you can put stair gates between them and other people which will separate them from squabbles and noise.
• Offer Comfort: Sometimes, all a toddler needs during a tantrum is comfort. Offer a hug or a gentle touch to let them know you’re there for them.
• Validate Emotions: Acknowledge your toddler’s feelings. You can say something like, “I see that you’re upset. It’s okay to feel that way.” This helps them feel understood and may shorten the duration of the tantrum.
• Use Distraction: Redirect their attention to something else. Offer a favourite toy or engage them in a different activity to divert their focus from the cause of their frustration.
• Offer a way for them to climb down. Stay with your child and keep a dialogue going. After a period of throwing a tantrum your child may become tired or bored or even start to feel embarrassed. Once you child calms down a little, offer them a way to stop being angry and way a back in to having fun with friends and family by saying something like “now you’ve calmed down, shall we have a cuddle and then go and carry on playing”
• Don’t give in to the temptation to shout at the child. Whilst this an be a way to release the frustration we feel as an adult, it is unlikely to deescalate the situation and could make things worse. 

Teaching Emotional Regulation

Tantrums can also be seen as opportunities to teach your toddler about emotional regulation. This is a skill that can with future tantrums but is also a crucial life skill that will help in all kinds of future situations:

• Model Emotion Management: Children learn by observing. Show them healthy ways to manage your own emotions, and they are likely to emulate these strategies.
• Teach Breathing Techniques: Simple breathing exercises can help toddlers calm down. Teach them to take deep breaths when they’re upset.
• Use Play to Teach: Engage in pretend play scenarios where their toys encounter challenging situations and need to manage their emotions. This can indirectly teach your child valuable emotional skills.

Positive Reinforcement

When your toddler manages their emotions well, handles a situation without a tantrum, or manages to de-escalate their behaviour, offer positive reinforcement. Praise and rewards, such as toys, can motivate them to continue using their newfound emotional regulation skills.

Remember

Parenting through toddler tantrums can be a daunting task, but with understanding, patience, and empathy, parents can effectively manage these challenging behaviours. By recognising triggers, preventing tantrums, and responding calmly, parents can teach their toddlers valuable emotional regulation skills that will serve them well throughout their lives. Remember, every child is unique, so it’s essential to adapt strategies to suit your child’s individual needs and personality. With consistent efforts and a supportive approach, tantrums can become less frequent as your toddler learns to navigate their emotions and communicate more effectively.

If you’re after more baby advice, simply head to our blog or check out our StrollerCoaster podcast.