When someone you love brings home a new baby, it’s only natural to want to help. But if you’ve never breastfed, or it’s been a long time since you did, it can be hard to know how to support a breastfeeding mum.
Maybe you’re a partner trying to figure out how to be helpful during those bleary-eyed 2am feeds, a grandparent eager to pitch in without overstepping, or perhaps you’re a friend who wants to offer real support, but you’re not sure where to start.
The good news? You don’t need any special expertise to support a breastfeeding mother, empathy and a willingness to keep mum well supported will go a long way! This guide shares the practical ways to do just that at home, while out and about, and during those tougher moments in the middle of the night.
Why family and friends matter in breastfeeding, according to Munchkin’s Lactation specialist, Kerry Baker:
Family and friends are some of the most important foundations for successful breastfeeding. In years gone by, the more women who breastfed, the more openly they could share their advice and offer support based on their own experience and knowledge. If that’s still the case within your support network, then you’re one of the fortunate ones. However, in the UK today, we are less likely to have the same kind of close-knit community structures based on our breastfeeding rates that existed a century ago in many instances.
I often hear women say that people try to be helpful by downplaying the importance of breastfeeding, saying things like “it doesn’t really matter.” But for those who do want to breastfeed, it does matter. As friends and family, we can better support women through acknowledging that, and offering encouragement and understanding – especially during the tougher moments.
How to support a breastfeeding mum at home
Understanding how to support a breastfeeding wife, mum, or partner starts with making her home as calm and comfortable as possible. A stress-free space can make a big difference to how confident and relaxed she feels while feeding.
One of the most helpful things you can do is set up a dedicated space for feeding…
- A quiet, comfy chair with good back support, soft lighting for those night-time feeds, and a small side table within easy reach can go a long way.
- Add in a quality nursing pillow to prevent arm strain.
- A white noise machine to help keep things calm.
- Keep a basket nearby stocked with essentials: snacks, a water bottle, a phone charger, and of course, her breastfeeding accessories (if she uses them), including Breastpump, collector cup and lactation massager.
Having a baby swing nearby can also be really helpful, providing a safe spot to place your baby for a few moments when she needs a quick break. This way, she has everything she needs without having to get up mid-feed.
Don’t forget the small things. Keep the house at a comfortable temperature for the baby. For more information on the ideal room temperature for your baby, read our guide. We also recommend having a secret stash of spare muslins handy in different rooms, they’ll come in very handy when feeding time rolls around!
Perhaps most importantly: Get stuck into household chores without waiting to be asked. Easing that everyday load gives mum more space to focus on what really matters: feeding and bonding with her baby.
How to support your breastfeeding partner
You know those moments where you just wish your partner knew what the right thing to do or say was without you having to tell them? This is one of them, and trust us, whether you’re a husband, a wife or a co-parent companion, you will be thankful you took the time to understand what those things are when she really needs you in those early days of parenthood.
First up…
Learn the early signs that baby’s getting hungry
Look for signs like head-turning, hand-sucking, or making soft little rooting movements. If you catch these before the crying starts, it usually means a calmer, easier feed for baby and for mum.
Help with the night time feeds
Night feeds are also a big one. Something as simple as taking a baby from his/her cot and bringing him/her to your partner for a feed shows your partner you’re in this together, and when she’s exhausted. What’s more, if you can then handle the nappy change so that she can settle back to sleep more quickly, that is a bonus. Skin to skin cuddles with baby and dad/partner after breastfeeding to soothe the baby can be really valuable so that the baby benefits and mum can rest. Please follow the safe sleep guidelines by the Lullaby Trust here.
Give her space
You know what it’s like – harmless well-wishers who stop by just to say hello is great for them, but not always great for your partner, especially if she’s breastfeeding. She might just want a bit of peace and quiet to breastfeed in private, which you can help to make happen for her. Whether that’s handling visitors and taking them through to a different room to give her a bit of quiet space, or gently managing interruptions, your support helps her focus on the baby and create boundaries that prioritise her comfort and the feeding relationship.
Bonding with baby without feeding
A big concern for new mums is that their partner won’t get the same level of bonding that she naturally gets through the activity of breastfeeding. This is very rarely an issue, as a lot of the time, partners find other ways to bond with the baby that doesn’t involve feeding. Things like skin-to-skin contact, bath time, changing nappies, or simply cuddling them while they nap. Skin-to-skin contact, in particular, is incredibly valuable for bonding and can help settle your little one after feeding. These moments help build your own special connection with the baby and your partner through helping outside of breastfeeding.
Words speak just as loud as actions!
For guys wondering, “How can us dads support breastfeeding?” Remember that practical help is just part of the picture. Encouraging and complimentary language is important, making each other feel appreciated and loved keeps your connection strong during the turbulence of new parenthood. Emotional support is powerful! So listen to what she says without judgement, celebrate the wins (even the tiny ones), and remind her that she’s doing an incredible job, especially on the days she doubts herself.
Back to basics…
And of course, don’t forget the basics: making sure she’s eating, drinking plenty of water, and resting. Looking after her helps her look after the baby, and that’s teamwork at its best.
Practical tips for supporting breastfeeding mums out and about
Learning how to support breastfeeding doesn’t stop at home. When you’re out and about together, your role becomes even more valuable in helping create positive, stress-free feeding experiences.
Feeding in public can feel daunting, especially in the early days. A simple “You’re doing great” or just a warm smile can really make a difference if her confidence is low.
Carry a small kit with essentials:
- Muslins and baby wipes
- A nursing cover (if mum would feel more comfortable)
- A small pillow
- And some water and snacks
Being ready means mum can feed comfortably wherever you are. For more information on what to prepare and pack in a nappy bag, take a look at our guide.
If she’s looking for a spot to feed, help her find one. If someone stares or says something unhelpful, you can step in, deflect attention, or simply offer her some privacy and calm. It’s all about reading the room, or the park, café or bench. Every mum’s comfort level is different; some feel confident feeding anywhere, while others want more privacy. Follow her lead and never push her to feed where she’s uncomfortable.
If you’ve got older kids with you, keeping them entertained while your partner feeds can go a long way.
Making night feeds easier for breastfeeding mums
Night feeds can be one of the toughest parts of breastfeeding, but they’re also where thoughtful, practical support can make the biggest difference to everyone’s sleep and well-being.
Create a night-time routine that works for you both. Having a plan helps avoid half-asleep guesswork and keeps things safer when you are sleep deprived. For more information and safe sleep and breastfeeding visit the lullaby trust.
So you’re not scrambling in the dark, it’s always easier to prepare for night feeds ahead of time. This will help…
- Fill up water bottles
- Prepare healthy nutritional snacks that can be eaten one-handed (just in case mum’s in the mood)
- Make sure the feeding space has everything within arm’s reach. (A little cooler bag by the bed can be surprisingly helpful)
- Think about lighting, too. Soft, dim light is ideal, just enough to see what you’re doing without waking everyone up. Some families find red-tinted lights help maintain sleepiness better than bright white lights.
Most importantly, take the lead on any other tasks, like nappy changes, winding, and settling the baby, and let mum go back to sleep. Every minute of extra sleep matters when you’re managing multiple night feeds.
If breastfeeding is proving tricky, a support aid like Munchkin’s Flow can help. It allows new mums to see when the milk is flowing, offering peace of mind and especially reassuring during those groggy night-time feeds when it’s harder to tell how things are going. Many second-time mothers also find Flow a helpful addition to their feeding kit, giving them extra confidence and support if challenges pop up again.
For those women working on improving positioning and attachment, using Flow during some of the night feeds may be especially helpful. It’s often during these moments, when women are utterly exhausted and struggling to feed without pain, that Flow, and the numerous gentle tools within the Flow collection, i.e. the breastpump, collector cup and vibration massager – can make a real difference.
Lactation specialist on night-time breastfeeding challenges…
If there are particular challenges with breastfeeding, night-time feeds can often be the most stressful and difficult. Fatigue makes it harder to focus on achieving an optimal latch and attachment. Many women share that this is when any existing nipple trauma feels at its worst, or even when it begins, simply due to being tired and feeding through the night.
A final note on supporting breastfeeding mums
Whether you’re a partner wondering how to support a breastfeeding wife or just want to help a friend or family member, what matters most is being present, patient, and willing to help in whatever way she needs.
You don’t have to be an expert – just showing up, offering a hand, and checking in can mean the world. Sometimes, it’s about taking over a few chores; sometimes, it’s a few kind words; and sometimes, it’s simply giving her space to breathe and figure things out.
Every mum’s breastfeeding journey is unique, so the kind of support she needs might change over time. The early days might need more hands-on help, and later, it might be more about encouragement as she gets more confident.
Remember, you don’t have to figure it all out alone. For ongoing advice, encouragement, and real-life stories, check out Munchkin’s StrollerCoaster parenting podcast and the Munchkin blog – both great resources for anyone supporting a breastfeeding mum. For more specialist advice, chat with Erica, our expert advice bot. Erica offers personalised guidance for all your queries, and she’s always got your back.
Whatever you do, your support matters. With your care and attention, mum is more likely to have a positive breastfeeding journey.
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